this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
