i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
