just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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