I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
