Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
