Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
