Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I supernannyed him into submission
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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