Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Boobs are out for the taking
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
