i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
