i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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