saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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