Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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