and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Im part way to drunk.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
