she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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