Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
