Kiss
Puke
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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