new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
