worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
