Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
