Banned from zoo.
Again?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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