break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
