Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
