Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Reggie can tackle my bush.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
