A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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