i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
