Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
