How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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