She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
