I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
