It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
