Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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