I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
