He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
time to smoke my breakfast
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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