Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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