So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
