he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
