I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
