I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just want nice things and good sex
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
