How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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