She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
