Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
