I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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