Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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