I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
