I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
