I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
