Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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