just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
