Even the bartender felt bad for me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
