if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
