I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
