I haven't been this sober since birth.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
