I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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