I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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