Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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