My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
