for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
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It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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