Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
