Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
