Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
