Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
