Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
