So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
