Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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