I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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