i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
